


Shattered ones

by sassy_slytherin



Series: The one where they go to college - Sassy_Lucifer [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (only temporary), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Character Death, Hurt, Hurt Bucky, It's only really Steve and Bucky who appear in this, M/M, Referenced Sex, Sorry Not Sorry, Steve is sad, all the other characters are just mentioned, i don't really know how to tag this, lot's of bucky barnes feels, mentioned torture but not described, pre-serum steve, refernce to war violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 04:25:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2177811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassy_slytherin/pseuds/sassy_slytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A luckily only mild concussion, a black eye and some very bruised ribs later he had his first friend. </p><p>*** </p><p>The second part in the 'The one where they go to college' verse</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered ones

**Author's Note:**

> So here is the background and dog tags explained part.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> **  
> Warning: this isn't proof read at all. Will do it tomorrow, but I just wanted it up before I went to bed. So here you go.
> 
> **  
> oh frick, forgot something again. Will maybe add it when I proof read - Or make a third part with it….

They met at school.

 

As usual Steve had stood up to someone. That someone just so happened to be twice his size and also just so happened to be beating him up behind the bleachers. 

 

He was 10 and had never really had a friend. 

 

The bully was landing hard blow after hard blow in his face and in his stomach. He could feel the pain everywhere, but it meant nothing. 

 

“Hey!” A voice cut through, and the beating paused. Steve opened his eyes, expecting maybe a teacher to stand there. But it wasn’t. It was another student. He had seen him around school, and Steve was pretty sure he played baseball. Or well he knew he was on the baseball team. It wasn’t like he had an obsession or anything… 

 

The guy - Barnes stepped forward, and looked from Steve to the bully, Tobias, towering over him. Even when the at least a head taller Tobias turned fully towards the baseball player, he didn’t back down - hell didn’t even blink. After a few seconds Tobias snorted out a laugh and shook his head. 

 

He bumped his shoulder hard into Barnes as he went past him, but the other boy hardly seemed to notice. His eyes were trained on Steve, still leaning against the post where the bully had left him. 

 

Slowly he began to come towards him, “are you okay?” he asked when he was just one final step away. He looked more concerned than Steve had thought possible. 

Steve tried to clear his voice a bit, but ended up sounding absolutely pathetic anyways when he answered “yeah, had him on the ropes.” Barnes snorted at that, and some of his tension seemed to ease.  
“Here let me help you,” he said and carefully put an arm around Steve. “You need to go to the school nurse.”  
“Really, it’s fi-“ “I’m Bucky by the way” Barnes, well Bucky, shut him up before he could even finish the sentence.

A luckily only mild concussion, a black eye and some very bruised ribs later he had his first friend. 

*** 

Bucky was two years older than him, making him 12. But it didn’t matter.

*** 

After the initial meeting under the bleachers, Steve and Bucky started to see each other more and more at the school. In the beginning it was just greeting in the hallway, but not more than a day or two passed before, Bucky approached him to ask about his head and rips. 

When that one got old he started asking if about what classes Steve was heading to, and in the end he asked him if he wanted to have lunch with him. After opening and closing his mouth for almost a full minute, Steve had accepted.

Just like that it lunch on the bleachers became their thing. And if Steve only waited (exactly) a month before he asked of Bucky wanted to come by his house, it was only because he didn’t want to risk coming off as a bit too desperate for friend. 

The look on the larger boy’s face was definitely worth the wait, and just a month after that Steve had a best friend. 

***

Bucky had lost both of his parents before he met Steve, and everyone knew he lived in a foster home with a bunch of other kids. A place where he was, but didn’t belong. It wasn’t really a home as much as the only place to sleep. 

Steve had more than once heard people talking about it.. Like it was a joke and not a tragedy. 

It was something Steve already knew, but he still hadn’t expected the reaction he got from Bucky, whenever his mother greeted him like a long lost son.  
She took care of him. Made sure he made his homework, and remembered his birthday. 

At first Bucky didn’t really know how to fit it, but he did. 

Steve will never forget the look on his face when his mother had asked him what he wanted to have for dinner on his birthday. He had looked so sheepish and awkward, but finally the menu was settled and then it was back to the homework. 

When Bucky turned 17, he had a family again.

***

When you imagine the best day of your life, you probably think about it as a rainy cloudy day. But no. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. The wind was whispering in the trees and kids were laughing. 

And then they were just there. They came and knocked on the door. 

Before Bucky left for Iraq, Steve's mother had been listed as his next of kin, and now what Steve had feared the most had happened. 

They said there had been an attack on the unit. 

He remember his mothers tears, because Bucky was her son too. Maybe not my blood, but by choice. 

They said he had been brave, and died with honor. But they didn’t bring back a body. They brought back his dog tags. Said that another soldier had seen them lying on the ground, and picked them up on instinct. The soldier had gotten away, but Bucky had fallen. 

In that moment. The second he saw the uniformed men, stand in his living room with solemn expression, he felt like the Earth stopped spinning. His head felt light, and he couldn’t hear what they said. Because he knew what it meant. Knew why they were there. 

He was 17 and had lost his boyfriend in the war. 

***

The man in the picture was smiling but they still buried an empty casket. 

***

Steve never thought he would smile again. 

*** 

 

A year went by, and Steve graduated high school as a ghost. Walking the hallways, which had once contained so much life, now seemed drained. 

 

He hadn’t thought he would actually make it this far. But after the initial shock, and after having cried himself to sleep for months, he was ready to move on. Steve knew he would never be able to look at the bleachers without seeing - feeling - how he felt the first time he and Bucky kissed. 

How they after having circled each other for months, Steve finally had had enough and just grabbed Bucky by the color of his shirt and pulled his face down so he could press his lips against the older boy’s. 

He remember how Bucky, the confident baseball player had blushed and practically stumbled over his own feet in an attempt to get more contact. 

Steve had laughed at him, and Bucky had scowled saying he wasn’t done yet. But they had all the time in the world. 

Now passing the bleacher he can’t believe that he is gone. 

***

A change of air. That was what he needed. 

He needed to let go of the constant reminders of what he lost. So he went to college and suddenly he found himself surrounded by people, who all in one way or another reminded him of who had lost. 

But he got by.

He carried the chain around his neck. Sam of course noticed, but respected his choice to keep it in. 

As the weeks turned to months the smiles started to feel natural and not forced. He started to believe in them. Movie nights became enjoyable, but it was never how it used to be. There was a laugh, but it was not without worry. There was happiness, but it was not without the constant reminder of how it could be. 

*** 

When his mother called him 6 months into the semester, completely drowning in tears he didn’t know what to think. 

“They made a mistake” She had tried to say, and Steve didn’t need to hear more. 

Bucky had made him a promise of returning, and he always kept his promises. 

*** 

The he looked at, lying there in the hospital bed didn’t look at all like the man who left. 

His eyes weren’t shining, but instead constantly glazed over with combination of fear, confusion, pain and anger. 

*** 

It took days. 

Days of sitting next to him, quietly telling him about everyone. Natasha and Clint, Tony and Pepper, Thor and Jane, Bruce and Sam.

He told him about the college. About the art classes, and he even showed him a few drawings he had done. 

The only response he got, was a slight ease in the obvious tension in his shoulders. The doctors told him that it was to be expected with what he had gone through.

They never said it directly, but Steve knew there had been torture, and he didn’t even have to look at the physical damage to know how deep the wounds went. 

***

After 2 weeks, Bucky started to respond. 

To begin with it was only slight shakes to his head or small nods, but they soon turned into ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘maybes’.

Next came the ‘I missed you, Stevie’ and ‘I’m so sorry’. 

***

After a month the doctors decided to move him to a hospital near Steve’s college. They had wanted to keep Bucky where he was, but the only one who, and only thing, which seemed to be helping him was Steve and the conversation they had. 

In the end it was the psychiatrist who made the final call, and he was moved. 

Steve continued his studies, and if he lied to his friend about taking some extra classes but instead going to the psychiatric ward, it was only to protect himself and the wounded soldier. 

***

Progress seemed to accelerate. 

Bucky started talking. Then he would laugh and looked so baffled by the sound coming from himself, that Steve could just only contain the tears till he was in the shower. But it was progress, and after that Steve made sure to tell him all about Tony’s adventures and of Natashas threats if they ever involved her. Not surprisingly she wasn’t joking and needless to say Tony never tried to dye her hair blue again. 

 

*** 

 

Almost a year passed like that.

 

Two re-constructual surgeries to his arm and shoulder, Bucky could use it somewhat again. Put together with lots of physical training, it didn’t take him long before he was up and running again. 

His mind was a whole other story. 

 

But they got by. 

 

Steve found himself leaving the hospital in a better and better mood every time. 

 

*** 

 

Bucky had insisted he kept the dog tags, but the first time he came and visited Steve at his dorm room, he ended up having to surrender and put them back on. All done in exchange for sex. 

 

Steve had said they should wait, but Bucky insisted that banging a college student was on his bucket list. 

 

It got kind of hard to find new arguments, when he kept kissing his neck. Or when he had run his hand slowly down his side till he could tug the shirt out of this pants, only to run just hands up under said shirt.

 

After that it hadn’t taken long before Steve’s resolve had been completely broken, and he was instead writhing on the bed under the larger man. 

 

After Bucky had drained him of his last energy, they just lay there on the bed. His head pillowed on the former soldiers chest, drawing invisible circles on his toned stomach. 

 

“I love you, you know that right?” He had said, looking up to meet a pair of eyes so filled with love and adoration he felt a bit overwhelmed. 

 

“I know..” Bucky smiled, and the smile reached his eyes “.. I guess I kinda love you too.” 

Steve couldn’t help but laugh at that, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. 

 

*** 

 

It wasn’t until much later that night, when he sat pressed against his boyfriend, surrounded by his friends, that he realized how lucky he really was.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really enjoying writing these, so expect more to come. 
> 
> I live of nice comments, but constructive criticism is welcomed.


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